So this may be my one "Hot Take Review"
This is a well written book, with a compelling and interesting narrative. Many people find it worth reading and many people say that it is inspirational and enlightening. I'm not one of those people.
I found it to be sort of... not enlightening. nor inspiring. in fact, this reminded me, oddly of the book "Careless people" as this story is the epitome of someone who lacks self awareness about the way they move through the world
Lara Love Hardin was a middle class woman, living in a middle class neighborhood with a middle class education, and family. She notes that she started taking prescription pills due to feeling awkward and unwelcome at an extended family gathering. This spiraled into using heroin, and stealing from strangers and neighbors to do so, all while raising several children, including an almost 4 year old child. She intentionally stole, and cheated her way through while putting her children at risk. I think the moment I became unengaged was the moment when I realized she and her husband were actively using drugs in their suburban home with their child present. After reading some more, I realized that she never seemed to really grasp that she was extremely neglectful and dangerous to her child. For whatever reason, that was it for me. What's kind of odd about this is that I don't even particularly like children.
Lara eventually went to jail and recounts becoming "Mama Love" in jail and helping other inmates with her amazing writing and leadership skills. Given that she had a Master's Degree when she was arrested I would hope she would have some skills. Once arrested, she became very concerned that her child needed her- but really her child needed an environment with adults who were clear headed enough to supervise a child, focus on a child's needs etc. She spends a lot of time discussing how she missed her children's life experiences while she was in jail, but never quite grasps that prior to her incarceration, she was already missing her children's lives- because her life was revolving around obtaining money for drugs. She is proud she attended PTA meetings, and volunteered at events, but I suspect her kids all knew she had a problem. She notes that her older ones had started to stay at their father's home because indeed, she was not providing meals regularly or helping them get to school on time. So while she paints herself as a PTA soccer mom, it's clear that this wasn't quite what was going on. For her, the intense realization that her children needed her seemed to only apply to when she was physically separated from them, not the fact that she was using drugs so heavily that she was clearly not as present mentally as she might have been physically.
Once out of prison, she discovered that life is difficult for someone with a felony record and eventually was extremely lucky to find employment with someone who didn't do a background check. From this, she was able to evolve, have a third marriage, and become a literary superstar. I do appreciate that she has used that platform to discuss prison reform. Her discussion of her third marriage where she casually says she couldn't pretend to be interested in her third husband's work (which was standard work, and not at all glamorous) shows again that lack of depth of understanding. Her husband didn't want her to be into his tradecraft, he just wanted her to be interested in HIM, how he experienced his world, his reactions to things, the day to day things that we all experience. I feel Lara Love Hardin is one person who would fail "the bird test". I hope that man found the love he clearly deserves.
She's a great writer. Unfortunately for me, her entire story still fell flat. I just could never quite relate to her situation and the casual way she states that she doesn't understand why people disliked her so passionately after she stole "only about 500 dollars" from them, sort of baffles me. She's unhappy that the legal system made it difficult for her to rent a home, or get a job. While she is clearly now a very successful person, and her children are "fine" per her own report- I found myself very uninterested in the story of how this average white lady ended up in prison for crimes she was guilty of committing, and discovered that jail is bad, neglecting your kids to do drugs is ill-advised, and that not everyone is going to be interested in being your buddy after you lie cheat and swindle them.
For the multitude of white ladies (and Oprah) who were captivated by this story, I think I'd recommend reading a story that Lara Love Hardin Co-wrote which was a heck of a lot more powerful, and does demonstrate strength and resilience. And that would be:
Witness: An Insider’s Narrative of the Carceral State by Lyle C. May
So folks, this one wasn't for me.
Sure it's well written and interesting, but when I see reviews talking about this person's strength and resilience to "go through what she went through" I note that the really strong folks are people who manage the day to day life challenges - like having dinner with your soon to be in-laws- without turning to the percocets or heroin. Those folks out there just raw dogging their lives, being present, and keeping things real for their families. I suspect a lot of the "resilience" commentary is coming from people who do recognize themselves in the author. They might have a harder time relating to Anthony Ray Hinton, but a self proclaimed "soccer mom" is definitely relatable. Though, her description of herself as having it together is her description, I suspect people knew long before her arrest that something wasn't quite right.
I'm a little sad this is the last book I read all year, hopefully I can finish one off today on a higher note.
STATS
First Published :
Pages: 336
Available as an Audio Book : Yes!
Trigger Warnings: child endangerment, prison drug use, alcohol use. Not a full list - please read responsibly
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